Adapted from the Mind Wonders podcast by Priscilla Sombe

There’s something I’ve learned in my journey—through age, reflection, and trial—and it’s this: people don’t always understand what boundaries really mean.

We often hear people say, “I’m setting boundaries,” and it sounds like a punishment. Like someone is being cut off. But I’ve come to realize that boundaries aren’t about rejection. They’re not about pushing people away or being mean. They’re about clarity. They’re about peace. And honestly? They’re about mutual respect.

The biggest misconception is that boundaries are about controlling other people. But the truth is, boundaries start with you. It’s not just about what someone else can or cannot do in your life—it’s about the access you’ve allowed.

Sometimes, we spend so much time trying to hold others accountable, pointing out what they shouldn’t be doing, that we forget to ask ourselves: How much access have I given them? Because without limits, people will take what’s available. And if you’ve left the door wide open, you can’t be shocked when someone walks all the way in with muddy shoes.

It’s like that old saying: don’t be surprised when the clown acts like a clown—you went to the circus. That’s the role they play. In the same way, if we don’t define roles, limits, and expectations, we can’t be shocked by chaos. If you didn’t say no, how will they know?

Boundaries are not about walls. They’re not about shutting people out. They’re about knowing what’s healthy for you, and creating an understanding so that relationships—whether personal, professional, or platonic—can thrive.

And this isn’t just about romance. This is about your coworkers, your family, your friendships—every setting. Boundaries help us understand how to interact with one another. They reduce confusion. They eliminate tension. They prevent resentment.

They help us move with ease.

When both people know the rules of engagement, there’s less need for arguments and guesswork. Everyone understands the expectations, and more importantly, the limitations. That’s where peace lives.

So if you’re on a journey of healing, self-awareness, or growth, let me remind you of this: setting boundaries is not selfish. It’s necessary. It’s not about being distant—it’s about being clear. And when done with love, boundaries are one of the most respectful things we can offer one another.

Because at the end of the day, boundaries aren’t just about me.
They’re about us.

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Want more heart-to-heart reflections?
Listen to this episode on the Mind Wonders podcast, streaming now on Spotify and more.