Life as a giver is beautiful. There’s a deep sense of purpose in caring for others, in showing up, in loving without conditions. But if you’ve ever found yourself drained, questioning why you keep attracting people who take more than they give, you’re not alone. The truth is, being a giver without boundaries can make you a magnet for those who see your kindness as an unlimited resource.

For the longest time, I asked myself: What am I doing wrong? The answer? Nothing. My heart was never the problem. But my lack of boundaries was.

Through reflection and growth, I’ve come to understand something I wish I had known sooner—boundaries are not walls; they are doors with locks. You decide who gets a key and when.

The Many Layers of Boundaries

Boundaries aren’t just about saying “no.” They’re about deciding who gets access to different parts of you. Just like a house, not everyone should be allowed into your living room, let alone your bedroom. Some people stay at the gate. Some get invited to the porch. Only a few make it to the heart of your home.

Here are the different levels of boundaries I’ve been working on:

1. Energetic Boundaries – Your energy is sacred. If someone constantly drains you, it’s okay to limit your interactions. Notice how you feel after spending time with someone. Do you feel lifted or exhausted? That’s your cue.

2. Emotional Boundaries – Just because you understand someone’s pain doesn’t mean you have to carry it. It’s okay to support people without losing yourself in their storms.

3. Time Boundaries – Your time is valuable. If you’re always rearranging your schedule for others but they never do the same, it’s time to reassess. Not everyone deserves unlimited access to your time.

4. Physical Boundaries – This isn’t just about personal space. It’s about recognizing when someone is overstepping—whether through their words, actions, or expectations.

5. Conversational Boundaries – Not every topic is up for discussion. If someone constantly brings negativity into your space, you have the right to change the subject or walk away.

6. Material Boundaries – Just because you can give doesn’t mean you should. Whether it’s money, resources, or favors, giving should be a choice, not an obligation.

Being Firm Without Feeling Guilty

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re shutting people out—it means you’re protecting your peace. And yes, some people won’t like it. They may push back, test the limits, or even try to guilt-trip you. But remember this:

• If someone gets upset when you set a boundary, it’s a sign that they benefited from you not having one.
• You don’t owe anyone an explanation for protecting your well-being.
• “No” is a complete sentence.

I refuse to let the world harden me. I will not become suspicious of kindness or love out of fear of being taken advantage of. But I will be wise. I will honor my heart by protecting it. And if you’re reading this, I hope you will too.

With love and strength,

Priscilla Sombe/Unboxed and Free